"Human (or maybe I) are always greedy???

I think I am having a "blogging blocked" (similar to mental block)...... has been rather busy these few days. Each time I sit infront of the computer, I do not really know what to write... Sometimes, I feel like "reporting" what I had went thru... but thought it might be too boring for all to read....

I personally feel Man are greedy... our appetite can never be fullfilled. I remember 5 months back, when I went into the property industry, I told God to bless me in such a way that I can "tahan" the waiting game. I have heard plenty of stories of agents having to advertise and spend tons of money and at the end of the day, only managed to sell 2 units per year... or something close to that... I had always wanted to try my hand in the property market some 4 to 5 years back.... I always wanted to be a professional, meeting and helping people meet their needs. I sort of prefer job that requires customer service. However, I did not go into property industry in my first job... but went into events management, organising school camps and fitness program for students.. soon after, i was tasked to sell the camp program to schools which i sort of enjoyed... after about 2 years plus... i left due to realising the need to spend more time with my family..... I had a turn in my thinking when my grandmother passed away....

When i bought my first car, I told my wife that the main purpose would be for my convenience to visit my grandmother whenever I can. As she does not stay with me... visiting her does make it a bit of a problem. My grandmother only speaks Teochew and I dunno how to speak Teochew. This in a way made me ponder twice, whether to visit her or not..... Had always wanted to go with my father but I could not tally with his timing... so week after week, i postponed my visit to my grandmother... it was about 9 months after I bought my car that I received a call from my mum that my grandmother passed away... for 9 months I have been postponing my visit to my grandmother... someone whom I loved and had wanted to buy a car to just conveniently visit her whenever I can.... just overnight... she passed away while sitting on the chair watching TV. She passed away peacefully. When I received the call from my mum, I could not help but just kept crying.... feeling full of regrets... i blamed myself for burying myself at work and neglected my love ones... I used to work close to 20hrs a day. I wanted to crave out a career for myself... to let my family have a better life.... I began to think to myself... so what if I really make a lot of money... when my love one is gone.... all the riches that i have will not be able to bring my grandma to life... in the midst of craving out a better career... i missed the opportunity to give her the best memory in her last lap of her life journey... I left my job in the events company and went to join the insurance industry.... I was influenced from my friend that... i could lead a meaningful life in this career as i am constantly doing financial protection for people... have the freedom of time... and the vast limit for financial freedom... In my first year... I did quite ok.. to be among the top 20% agent in the company... after a year... I find myself chasing targets... i asked myself... why I was doing that... i began to spend lots of time strategising my business and think of how to get the sales that I am supposed to, to be at the top... where is the quality living that I had always wanted? The freedom of time and the constantly creating protection for people... Am I genuine in selling the products? Am I selling with strong conviction that whatever I sold is the best for my clients? I began to realise that I have put target for reaching the top, way above my clients well-being... I stopped selling for a while... and Thank God that he still continue to provide even when I stopped selling... Eventually, I could not change myself to chase the target and yet tell my clients that I have their interest always in mind. I asked myself what I can do to continue give my clients a good advice, give them enough time to consider before going into a lifelong plan... That is to earn enough to survive, so that I do no have to depend on them for my livelyhood. I find myself giving better advice now... I feel happier in my insurance job now... I feel I am really making a difference in people's life when I am giving them advice now... So where is my income from now? I asked God to open doors for me in the property industry. To let me just close 1 or 2 deals and I will be more than happy.... Closing that 1 to 2 big deals will mean that I can stop working till the end of the year. and I can take my time to meet my clients for coffee, review their policies and to do some church ministry work.

I am back to my old greedy self again. After I closed my first property big deal, I wanted the 2nd, 3rd and 4th.... my appetite became bigger.. I wanted my commission to be more than the previous one.. Thinking back.. I asked for God to provide me just 1, if possible 2 big deals, from June till end of the year... God not only provided me 1 or 2 deals.. he gave me a lot more deals that I have asked for.... But each time.... i still complained and grumble how I could have got more from a certain transaction... became worried when I am not closing more deals...

Changed my phone recently and I managed to chat with this guy by the name of AXXX, at the M1 shop. He told me about him wanted to change Job and how there is no career advancement in his line of work... and drawing that miserable pay every month. When I heard what he said.. i was reminded how fortunate I am... then he told me... he did not regret working at the M1 shop though... as that is where he got married, bought a house and renovated his house... I then began to realise how I must actually count my blessings everyday.... Day in day out thinking of how to earn more and thus neglecting my family along the way... and sometimes losing appetite and sleep over the work... is it worth it I asked myself.... I began to realise that whether u earn $1000 or $10,000 a month... u can still lead a happy life and be a very happy man.... it will better to earn $1000 and be happy than to earn $10,000 and not be happy.... Our life on earth is only temporal... we should live in such a way where we should spend quality time with our family and building the kingdom of God... because at the end of the day, our money and treasures on earth can never be brought along to where we are going when we leave this world one day...

There was this pastor who said an interesting thing during one of his sermons years back.... He asked.... "What do you want people to talk about you in your funeral wake?" I asked myself, what I wanted people to say about me... It seems like there is nothing to speak about as yet.

"God please give me a heart of Love everyday to love the unloved and a grateful heart for all the things that you have done for me...."